Some Things… Some Things Are Just Undeniably Authorish

26 Nov

We, as authors, often lament our most grievous position as ostracized and misunderstood members of societies. Here are some examples of things that only another author would understand.

Only other authors understand when you…

…are out from school or work for three days mourning about the death of your character that your evil side induced… sorry, Steve.

…are on the edge while you’re reading your own climactic battle and flip to the back just to make sure your favorite character lives even though you know exactly what comes next.

…sit on the phone for hours with your best-friend/co-author talking about how to kill that really annoying bad guy you made who is to ingenious for a simple slaughtering because you’ve built into his character that he’s too smart to fall for those nice, simple traps.

…dream about the death of your character and have to get up and write the next chapter of your current novel just to assure yourself they aren’t going to die.

…scream wildly in the middle of class when you realize what your favorite author “did there” and immediately make a mental note to do the same thing.

…put references to everyday life/inside jokes between yourself and your co-author or editor that you know your readers won’t understand, but you will.

…find yourself replying to “put that in your book,” by saying “I was already planning on it anyway.”

…Spend unprecedented amounts of time starting at your computer screen with a whole bunch of other authors swapping and editing (of all the evil things in the world).

…Realize that your best friend is a fictional character in a book you wrote.

…experience strange pangs of depression when something bad happens to one of your characters.

…feel ill when you haven’t written in more than 24 hours.

…take out your bad day on an unsuspecting protagonist who was getting a little to happy for your tastes.

…avoid the question about what you do in your free-time because if you tell people you wrote a full-length novel over the summer they tend to give you a blank, scared look of sympathy and pity when you had the best summer ever gallivanting across who knows where with your imaginary character and the rest of your amazing band.

…complain about when authors leave you hanging on a cliff and then turn around and do the same thing.

…openly criticize other authors’ published books like you have millions of copies of your dusty manuscript circulating throughout America.

…scour professional authors’ books for typos to reaffirm that the big guys do make mistakes sometimes too.

…find yourself saying “I can write something better than that” when you pick up the 16th werewolf v. vampire book you’ve seen in the new section of the bookstore “how unoriginal.”

…start to subconsciously avoid red pens in general.

…argue with your characters about how you are going to write the next chapter but still claim you don’t need to see a psychiatrist about those voices in your head because they are your characters, for crying out loud.

…pick up random books read the first page and say, “they published this? My book was at least this good.”

…begin to realize that no matter how nicely the editor puts it – when they reject you, they aren’t really wanting to be nice about it.

…want to pick up the book and find out what happens to your characters next but haven’t even written that part yet.

…tend to slip into character even when you aren’t meaning to in everyday conversation.

…always seem to have one character that you base off of yourself, and for some odd reason never really seems to do anything wrong.

…resist any editorial help that may be offered from outside sources – you thought it sounded better your way, anyway.

…can quote the first 4 chapters of your book from memory including dialogue, accents, and facial expressions.

…can’t explain your book to anyone because it has so many plot twists and characters that only seems to make sense in your mind.

…constantly makes threats to turn your little brother or sister into a squirrel in your next book if they don’t stop pestering you.

…can quote the first chapter of your first book perfectly with expression from memory because you’ve edited it so many times.

…writing style changes with every different book you read.

…assume that whoever you’re role playing with, they chose the same gender character that they really are.

…are like “The internet’s out? No probs! You’ve got half a dozen novels you needed to finish anyway.”

Yep, you are an author: don’t deny it – you’ve got lots of wild, crazy company. But I’ll let you in on a bit of a secret – the best people are.


5 Responses to “Some Things… Some Things Are Just Undeniably Authorish”

  1. arranbhansal November 27, 2013 at 3:10 AM #

    Great post, thank you

  2. brookenicolenorris November 27, 2013 at 8:35 AM #

    Oh my stars! It is seven thirty in the morning, trying not to give away I am awake X-D and about to die laughing over here. Oh, I can relate to almost every one of them! Especially the ones I would rather NOT admit! Good job!

    • Sarah Spradlin November 27, 2013 at 8:42 AM #

      xD Awesome! I have this posted in book form on Figment, but I figured I’d convert it into a blog post for fun 😀

  3. theelusivebrenna November 30, 2013 at 1:37 PM #

    Yup. To all of it. It happens.

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